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He slouches. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to get through the door. He is too tall. Taller than anyone I ever saw. He is handsome and very friendly. He works at this pub where we stopped for a pre-theatre drinks. He cleans the tables, chats to the regulars, smiles at customers he hasn't met yet. He asks us if we are OK and whether he can be of any help. We smile back. All is great, no, we are not eating. And not yet ready for another drink. But thank you. We get back to our conversation. There are couple of burning issues. Christmas presents is the main topic. What do you give to the lady who recently turned 93 and is very busy at the moment trying to get rid of all her worldly possessions? Actually, if you have any idea, give us a shout. We are still at a loss on this one.

Suddenly the background noise increases in volume. There is a big table in the corner with a dozen of men. Office party? Four of them are standing. The tall waiter in the middle. He doesn't look comfortable. He looks trapped. He tries to leave. But somehow he is blocked. The standing four want to have a picture. The picture would be f*** stunning, they shout - hardly anyone of them reaches the tall man's shoulder.  The flash goes on. The tall man stops smiling. He doesn't slouch anymore either. He doesn't look upset though. He is possibly used to this sort of table manners. Tall and handsome he walks in the direction of the kitchen. And firmly shuts the door behind himself.

The really good table manners are...

... those, which make everyone feel good. You, people with whom you share food and everyone else involved.

The influence of McDonald's

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Etiquette is not fixed. It changes. It develops together with the society. You don't need a revolution for this. New technology, new business entering the country. They might pretend they follow your rules and accept your manners.. They even adapt their signs to fit your environment, like McDonald's in Salzburg (Austria)

Interestingly enough, the influence of McDonald's on etiquette is so big, that people even do their degrees studying it.

The Influence of McDonald’s on Chinese Etiquette

French Habits

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A little guide on French table manners we found today:http://www.pariscultureguide.com/french-table-manners.html. Most of it could be applied to the majority of European countries, but one crucial thing is missing.

The universal rule to using your cutlery everywhere else is something along these lines: using utensils on the outside first and working your way inward (well, there is some less appropriate advice on that page,  nothing criminal, but be aware: they cannot decide which word to use - serviette or napkin...). What I came across in France during the rather formal dinners is that cutlery is arranged according to size creating really beautiful, beautiful butterfly wings. The only problem - you really need to be able to distinguish your pudding fork from your salad one. I talked to the French friend yesterday - he reckons this is the thing of the past.

The example below is a bit easier.
If only every meal were this complicated: The 12 courses include: Caviar, Escargot, Seafood Cocktail, Soup, Fish, Lobster, Entree, Palate Cleanser, Releve(main) Course, Salad, Dessert, Coffee/Tea

Try to find the fork for snails on this picture. And please let us know if you think that whoever laid the table in this picture really thinks that salad needs a knife? Otherwise what is that last one for?

And no comments here on the napkin ring. I have been told in England that it is a universal class divider. More on it later.

That awkward moment when your underwear becomes part of your table manners...

How to offend the locals (at the table and away from it...)

First of all, tell them they are locals. I did it in Macedonia. He was supposed to pick me up in the morning to bring me and my (big) suitcase to their office, so I could work for a couple of hours before taking off, back to London. He was born in Skopje, went to school there, still works in the same city 30+ years later.

So here I am. Waiting at the corner of the streets he mentioned yesterday. It is freezing cold. Little do I know that he is turning into a piece of ice at another corner of the same streets. You don't expect one of the streets to be a crescent and crossing the other one twice, do you? Good forty minutes later we manage to meet each other. I am confused, he is unhappy. And then I say:" But you are local..." I learn more than I ever wanted about the Balkan tempers in the next three minutes

I still don't know why. But he took it as an offence. He said "What? You called me local?"
Any advice on why you think this happened will be very much appreciated. Let us know in the comments what it meant to the guy if you think you understand what it was.

Below - more ways to offend the locals. And much more of rather useful information on etiquette abroad. Let us know if you are local (did I say it again?) and you think the advice in this article is not 100% correct.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/advice/Travel-etiquette-how-to-avoid-offending-the-locals/

TK

Table Manners by Alan Ayckbourn.

Table manners most of the time are not about how you eat. They are more about who you are. What you value. Where do you come from and where you are going.
And it could be very-very funny.